The summer is winding down, my kids have returned to school, and various idling summer projects are quickly turning into fall projects. So, how does this make me feel? Interestingly enough, a bit blah...but in a good way!
Let's go deeper (after all, we are "creating crimson", not just "red":-). When I start feeling a bit "blah" which thankfully is not very often these days, it triggers me to think about what's REALLY going on? I begin to ask myself more serious questions to better understand the root of my "blahs" and that helps me get centered and develop a better understanding of how I'm playing a role in this whole "blah"-ness. Ta-da! Solutions!
I have been on a WHIRLWIND!!!! I mean a WHIIIIIIIRRRRLLLLL wind, and its time for the whirl to notch it down, WAY down! The past few years have been filled with the lowest of lows all the way to the highest of highs. I won't dwell on the lowest of the low in this post, but I will talk more about the highs. Funny, we always imagine what a "higher ground" looks like without ever really understanding the realities of such high ground...
Those of you who know me know that for the past two years I've returned to one of my deepest passions- music. This musical journey has been nothing less than amazing and on top of it all, I NEVER imagined the journey would even exist, let alone exist in prime fashion! Since 2009, I reconnected with my piano Petrof (yes, he has a name), took music theory classes, began vocal coaching, performed in a jazz ensemble, met uber talented musicians from all walks of life, worked with a grammy award winning producer and a producer who is the president of the Chicago chapter of the grammy's (recording artist association), completed an EP/CD, performed for music festivals, PBS, private parties, public parties, attended the grammy's....whoa....all extreme blessings in which I never even created a game plan! What??? Craziness...
And so now, this girl is TIRED! I admit it, I'm physically, mentally, & emotionally tired....but not spiritually tired. No, no...in fact, I'm more spiritually invigorated than ever which is why today I collect my permission slip! For what? My permission slip to CHILL OUT!
The idea of us creating our own permission slips may seem foreign, but we do it constantly. What exactly is a permission slip in this context? It's basically the energy we send out. If we send out negative energy to others, that is our "permission slip" for others to treat us like crap- or negatively. If we send out positive energy, that is our "permission slip" to receive good, healthy, lively, and authentic things. Example- say you decide you need to end a completely dysfunctional intimate relationship, but you've only intellectually made this decision...not emotionally or spiritually. Therefore, you send that email, or text, or facebook post, or tweet to say "be gone!" Hmph! Take that! But...spiritually, your energy is flat & emotionally you're still needy. How do you know? Because brotha-man or sista-girl keeps calling, texting, facebooking, & tweeting you back! You're like, "the nerve of them" and then you send just one more message back, that turns into 2, that then turns into 5...you know the deal. Essentially, you have given that person a "permission slip" to stay in your life- to keep calling, texting, etc. That person has not received energy from you that suggests they should behave otherwise.
Now, let's flip the script and describe those positive energies and their permission slips! Let's say you have been trying to get in shape and be healthy forever but have always been unsuccessful for too many reasons to list. But, then one day, you stop beating yourself up for the failures and start motivating yourself authentically- you stay committed, you create discipline, and you organize your lifestyle to meet your goals. Another ta-da! You've created a "permission slip" for yourself to be healthy and receive results. The scale may not say much, but your mood, energy, and overall better health say a ton which is most important.
Back to my current "permission slip"- as I said, I'm giving myself a permission slip to slow down, recuperate from this 2 year whirlwind, and focus on some other personal goals. I admit, the musical journey is one that can keep you going 100mph if you let it, but my spiritual season is telling me that music is who I am and I won't be neglecting it by simply taking the "whirl" out of the motion. In other words, I will continue to journey along in music, but I will also allow new interests to be nurtured while creating simple moments of stillness. As a mom, physical therapist, educator, musician, wife, and whatever other daily hat I wear, giving self a permission slip that is healthy can be quite an arduous task. But, I understand the importance of not feeling guilty for letting one thing become secondary while focusing on something else as long as balance & authenticity still exist.
Have you given yourself any permission slips lately? Positive or negative ones? Do you desperately need a healthy permission slip but somehow keep creating non-productive or wasteful permission slips? How do you make a change? I have several opinions on how to make that happen, but instead of going there, I suggest that you simply take a deep breath and take a moment to be honest with yourself. Journal, read, pray, exercise- whatever takes you to a place of stillness and relaxation while being your most authentic self. You'd be amazed at what stillness reveals. And once its revealed, your permission slip will be signed, sealed, delivered- and yours!:-)
Peace & blessings,
KMJ
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
"The Help"- Helpful or Not?
So...I went to see the movie The Help last night. I was hoping to finish the book prior to seeing the film, but given I was only 4 or so chapters into it and I was hearing so much chatter filled with many great reviews from the general public (and not so great reviews from more critical sources) I didn't want to miss out. Therefore, I decided to see it during its opening weekend. My thoughts?...several.
First, I must preface this discussion with a few things. Overall the film alone was good- dynamic acting, decent writing, very compelling moments of laughter and sadness. Where the film fell a bit short was character development and the whole "hollywood" effect of a very serious and real story with "happy endings" that are unrealistic but established to keep the audience's spirits lifted at the end. So, the film alone- I'd give it a B+ for effort and a B/B- for the actual product.
The next thing I must preface is that it's very difficult for me to see a film of this nature without considering a load of factors. One of the fascinating things I witnessed in the theater last night was the level of diversity in the audience. White, Black, female, male, elders, young adults, etc. Truly, the demographics of America were very well represented and I might add that this particular theater is in an area that is predominately White, so that was refreshing to see; finally, a piece of art that we're ALL actually interested in engaging. That alone gives the movie high marks....but, then my reflective self begins to surface and say "why?" I mean, why NOW? I mean, Black artists such as Alice Walker and Toni Morrison and Lee Daniels and Spike Lee and John Singleton and Octavia Butler have all provided so much literature in the form of film and books to tell the perspectives of Black people/women from a historical context and never have I ever seen such diverse interests in the subject matter. Hmmmm....
I tend to circle around subjects, but I'll just get to the point...there wasn't anything in this film that was new information for me. As a Black woman who is constantly nurturing myself and trying to understand why we as Black women today are who we are, I (like MANY other Black women) have had no other choice to find out our history and what has allowed our condition to be what it is. What's disturbing is that many non-Blacks don't know this story nor even attempt to research it given the amount of relative literature that is out there and easily accessible. This is where I begin to get hot.....why does it feel as though the masses pay attention to our stories when it is written or conveyed by a White person but somehow gleam over our stories when told by Black scholars??? Notice I used the word SCHOLARS. So, incredibly reputable people. That is a bothersome thing for me. I appreciate The Help in that given its early success, hopefully those who have somehow missed movies like Rosewood, The Color Purple, Beloved, Imitation of Life, A Raisin In the Sun, and many others will now have a piqued interest in the condition of Black people as well as begin to actually reflect on their own race and racial perspectives and how such perspectives have come to be.
Race matters...it always has... and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. This film takes place in the early 1960's...my mom had finished high school and college and was preparing to get married, my sister was born, and I was somewhat "considered" (at some point just a decade away!). Folks this history is NOT eons ago! This is VERY recent and the consequences of such oppression are very real and evident today. The Black community is so sociologically scattered. Our ability to unite is so terribly difficult and The Help depicts a very good cause and effect explanation as to why this is the case for the current condition of Black families. But, again, this isn't new in the film industry. Its not groundbreaking. Its not innovative. At least not in the world of Black film. But, I suppose it is in the world of mainstream film...?
I simply wish that we as Americans could embrace more diverse stories and perspectives and not only take special interest when conveyed by a White person. We HAVE to be more socially responsive. There is no way we can have the level of sympathy and empathy that is necessary to be productive with one another without having a clue of what each other's history and culture suggests. Ignorance is bliss- period. When you know better, you do better....
Recommendation- see the film. Reflect on your gut reactions and why you're reacting the way you are. Is it because this is new information? Is this because its a reminder of things you've already known or experienced? How will this influence how you view your own identity development? How will you choose to engage in "otherness" or those aspects of culture in which you have not a clue? Don't be critical without engaging. Don't speak without knowledge, understanding, experience, and/or perspective. Be INFORMED when sharing your perpectives. This is what brings collaboration and respect.
While the The Help wasn't entirely "helpful" for me, I think it is incredibly helpful for others and I'm glad people are having a visceral reaction to the history of Black and White relationships in America. Such responses will hopefully encourage further conversations and engagement which ultimately promotes mutual respect.
Peace & Blessings,
KMJ
First, I must preface this discussion with a few things. Overall the film alone was good- dynamic acting, decent writing, very compelling moments of laughter and sadness. Where the film fell a bit short was character development and the whole "hollywood" effect of a very serious and real story with "happy endings" that are unrealistic but established to keep the audience's spirits lifted at the end. So, the film alone- I'd give it a B+ for effort and a B/B- for the actual product.
The next thing I must preface is that it's very difficult for me to see a film of this nature without considering a load of factors. One of the fascinating things I witnessed in the theater last night was the level of diversity in the audience. White, Black, female, male, elders, young adults, etc. Truly, the demographics of America were very well represented and I might add that this particular theater is in an area that is predominately White, so that was refreshing to see; finally, a piece of art that we're ALL actually interested in engaging. That alone gives the movie high marks....but, then my reflective self begins to surface and say "why?" I mean, why NOW? I mean, Black artists such as Alice Walker and Toni Morrison and Lee Daniels and Spike Lee and John Singleton and Octavia Butler have all provided so much literature in the form of film and books to tell the perspectives of Black people/women from a historical context and never have I ever seen such diverse interests in the subject matter. Hmmmm....
I tend to circle around subjects, but I'll just get to the point...there wasn't anything in this film that was new information for me. As a Black woman who is constantly nurturing myself and trying to understand why we as Black women today are who we are, I (like MANY other Black women) have had no other choice to find out our history and what has allowed our condition to be what it is. What's disturbing is that many non-Blacks don't know this story nor even attempt to research it given the amount of relative literature that is out there and easily accessible. This is where I begin to get hot.....why does it feel as though the masses pay attention to our stories when it is written or conveyed by a White person but somehow gleam over our stories when told by Black scholars??? Notice I used the word SCHOLARS. So, incredibly reputable people. That is a bothersome thing for me. I appreciate The Help in that given its early success, hopefully those who have somehow missed movies like Rosewood, The Color Purple, Beloved, Imitation of Life, A Raisin In the Sun, and many others will now have a piqued interest in the condition of Black people as well as begin to actually reflect on their own race and racial perspectives and how such perspectives have come to be.
Race matters...it always has... and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. This film takes place in the early 1960's...my mom had finished high school and college and was preparing to get married, my sister was born, and I was somewhat "considered" (at some point just a decade away!). Folks this history is NOT eons ago! This is VERY recent and the consequences of such oppression are very real and evident today. The Black community is so sociologically scattered. Our ability to unite is so terribly difficult and The Help depicts a very good cause and effect explanation as to why this is the case for the current condition of Black families. But, again, this isn't new in the film industry. Its not groundbreaking. Its not innovative. At least not in the world of Black film. But, I suppose it is in the world of mainstream film...?
I simply wish that we as Americans could embrace more diverse stories and perspectives and not only take special interest when conveyed by a White person. We HAVE to be more socially responsive. There is no way we can have the level of sympathy and empathy that is necessary to be productive with one another without having a clue of what each other's history and culture suggests. Ignorance is bliss- period. When you know better, you do better....
Recommendation- see the film. Reflect on your gut reactions and why you're reacting the way you are. Is it because this is new information? Is this because its a reminder of things you've already known or experienced? How will this influence how you view your own identity development? How will you choose to engage in "otherness" or those aspects of culture in which you have not a clue? Don't be critical without engaging. Don't speak without knowledge, understanding, experience, and/or perspective. Be INFORMED when sharing your perpectives. This is what brings collaboration and respect.
While the The Help wasn't entirely "helpful" for me, I think it is incredibly helpful for others and I'm glad people are having a visceral reaction to the history of Black and White relationships in America. Such responses will hopefully encourage further conversations and engagement which ultimately promotes mutual respect.
Peace & Blessings,
KMJ
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Daddy
Often I feel as though fathers get a bit slighted on Father's Day. Well, at least compared to Mother's Day. It seems as though weeks in advance there are advertisements promoting Mother's Day and families plan trips and marathon gatherings to celebrate moms and motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I'm a mother and I understand the hype given the level of energy that is required for motherhood. But, why does it seem as though Father's Day gets less attention? I do see pre-Father's Day advertisements, but clearly the marketing gurus have identified it as not needing as heavy of a marketing plan. And now with the days of social media where everyone can share both random and intentional thoughts, I often shake my head when I see someone's status update and/or tweet suggest either overtly or covertly that somehow fathers are less than their counterparts or that their father is the exception to the "typical" deadbeat dad. Yes, there are deadbeat dads...and deadbeat moms....shucks, there are deadbeat PARENTS! But, with the case of fathers, I wonder what came first (classic chicken or the egg)? Is it that some dads were first deadbeats and the consequence is scorn or has our quick-to-run-to scorn attitude created deadbeat dads?...
Well, given its Father's Day and I try to live with optimism, I will not allow this blogpost to go into the critical analysis of the scorned father. Instead, I will celebrate and honor the beauty of fathers. Let's start with my father, or "Daddy" as I've called him my entire 38 years. I won't go into a philosophical narrative about how my father has influenced the various aspects of my life, but I will go on a bit of a rant about my father's biggest influence- music!
My father is a percussionist/drummer. Not professionally, but absolutely soulfully. I suppose I should say an amatuer musician to be politically correct; but that seems a bit mediocre for his talent and his respect for the craft of music. When you grow up in a house full of percussive instruments ( a drum kit, congas, bongos, caracas, and maracas), 45 inch albums neatly lined up in a cabinet, classic album covers posted on walls and overhead shelves, custom stereo equipment and a sound system that could blow out any coliseum, a piano, a flute, tape decks, and 8 tracks, you simply believe that all of this is quite normal. When you grow up with a father that beats on any and everything (tables, steering wheels, walls, chairs, cups, dashboards, etc), you believe that too is quite normal. When you grow up in a musical wonderland, your "normal" is this. Just like any child's "normal" is their environment, whether it be positive or negative. My father granted me with the gift of music. And not just a passion to play a musical instrument, but a passion to LISTEN to music with a keen ear and to embrace diverse music which ultimately allows your creative barometer to soar! Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.
Now I watch my husband father our two sons and I wonder, what is their "normal"? What does he convey that they consciously and subconsciously absorb on a daily basis? We fill our home with music because that's all I know. We also fill our home with opportunities to play and imagine...at least I believe we do, but I suppose we won't know how they have received their normal until they are adults. The one thing I know and have faith in is that their father is always there for them. Whether it be teaching them how to dribble a basketball with both the left and right hands or how to understand the differences between positive consequences and negative consequences depending on personal choices, he has been there to give them the gift of being dynamic & having integrity...or at least this is what I think. But, our sons' abilities to cope and live productive lives later in adulthood will reveal the truth of it all.
What has your father given you? Even if you've never met your father or care not to see your father or only wish your father were still here....he gave you something seen and unseen. How has this impacted your "normal" and might this be an opportunity to grow and develop a new normal or simply celebrate the normal by which you live? Fathers are a blessing, seen and unseen. All of us have a story that didn't begin in adulthood. The missing father has a "normal" as well, which inevitably impacts how effective he is able to be present in the life of his children. My father was present, but not perfect. But, the primary gift he gave me is one of the things I cherish most in my life- a passion for music and the arts. I used to take my "normal" for granted. Thankfully I now know better, so I do better. I now make every effort to nurture God-given talents as well as those granted by my father.
Finally, on this day that we celebrate fathers, consider taking the time to not only give gratitude, but to also reflect on the gifts given to you by your father. Ultimately, our Divine Father grants us with the perfect earthly father for our personal journey. Thank you, Daddy:-)
Peace & Blessings,
KMJ
Well, given its Father's Day and I try to live with optimism, I will not allow this blogpost to go into the critical analysis of the scorned father. Instead, I will celebrate and honor the beauty of fathers. Let's start with my father, or "Daddy" as I've called him my entire 38 years. I won't go into a philosophical narrative about how my father has influenced the various aspects of my life, but I will go on a bit of a rant about my father's biggest influence- music!
My father is a percussionist/drummer. Not professionally, but absolutely soulfully. I suppose I should say an amatuer musician to be politically correct; but that seems a bit mediocre for his talent and his respect for the craft of music. When you grow up in a house full of percussive instruments ( a drum kit, congas, bongos, caracas, and maracas), 45 inch albums neatly lined up in a cabinet, classic album covers posted on walls and overhead shelves, custom stereo equipment and a sound system that could blow out any coliseum, a piano, a flute, tape decks, and 8 tracks, you simply believe that all of this is quite normal. When you grow up with a father that beats on any and everything (tables, steering wheels, walls, chairs, cups, dashboards, etc), you believe that too is quite normal. When you grow up in a musical wonderland, your "normal" is this. Just like any child's "normal" is their environment, whether it be positive or negative. My father granted me with the gift of music. And not just a passion to play a musical instrument, but a passion to LISTEN to music with a keen ear and to embrace diverse music which ultimately allows your creative barometer to soar! Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.
Now I watch my husband father our two sons and I wonder, what is their "normal"? What does he convey that they consciously and subconsciously absorb on a daily basis? We fill our home with music because that's all I know. We also fill our home with opportunities to play and imagine...at least I believe we do, but I suppose we won't know how they have received their normal until they are adults. The one thing I know and have faith in is that their father is always there for them. Whether it be teaching them how to dribble a basketball with both the left and right hands or how to understand the differences between positive consequences and negative consequences depending on personal choices, he has been there to give them the gift of being dynamic & having integrity...or at least this is what I think. But, our sons' abilities to cope and live productive lives later in adulthood will reveal the truth of it all.
What has your father given you? Even if you've never met your father or care not to see your father or only wish your father were still here....he gave you something seen and unseen. How has this impacted your "normal" and might this be an opportunity to grow and develop a new normal or simply celebrate the normal by which you live? Fathers are a blessing, seen and unseen. All of us have a story that didn't begin in adulthood. The missing father has a "normal" as well, which inevitably impacts how effective he is able to be present in the life of his children. My father was present, but not perfect. But, the primary gift he gave me is one of the things I cherish most in my life- a passion for music and the arts. I used to take my "normal" for granted. Thankfully I now know better, so I do better. I now make every effort to nurture God-given talents as well as those granted by my father.
Finally, on this day that we celebrate fathers, consider taking the time to not only give gratitude, but to also reflect on the gifts given to you by your father. Ultimately, our Divine Father grants us with the perfect earthly father for our personal journey. Thank you, Daddy:-)
Peace & Blessings,
KMJ
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
In Flow: The O Factor
Oprah's farewell season 25 is officially over. The 9am weekday spot (4pm everywhere other than Chicago) is no longer Oprah's divine hour. My subliminal mentor is moving to her next chapter. Her energy flow is drifting into a new sphere....
Its taken me some time to truly gather all of my feelings and reactions towards Oprah bidding farewell. Its quite foreign having someone who has made such a cultural shift not exactly being gone, but not really being present as we know it. Actually, its plain weird! I mean, she's not dead. She's not sick. She's not retired. She's simply not doing "The Oprah Winfrey Show." So, its goodbye to a show, not a person.
I could go on and on about how Oprah has influenced me through the years and how I've been a loyal watcher since I was 13 and that I've learned countless lessons, blah, blah, blah....but, this blog is intended to go a bit deeper. Hence, as I reflect, I realize that initially Oprah was merely a tv figure for me years ago, then she transitioned into a more familiar space, somewhat like a girlfriend. Then there was more development and she felt like family, like the aunt who is always there for you. Then she elevated and became more of a godmother....then a teacher....then a mentor...and as I followed her energy I began to develop and gain better insight into my own moral compass, spiritual beliefs and ultimate purpose. Finally, the lessons she has taught in the recent two years are not only familiar but they are what I now know as truth. My truth. So, now, she is my spiritual companion.
In her final episode, she stated that the audience and viewers were now graduating from her class, should take these lessons and live their lives to the next level. This is true whether or not you believe in Oprah or what has come to be known as the "O" factor. I truly feel that I've learned so much about myself, my response to others' conditions, my biases, and the list goes on and on simply by tuning into Oprah's show and hearing the personal stories of others. The special part is that I also feel very grounded and in touch with my internal energy flow. I am living according to the Divinity within and there is a clear flow that is moving fluidly by me simply staying authentic in how I live and treat others. Oprah would be proud.
I am very, very, very sad that I will no longer have DVR'd episodes of Oprah to catch up nightly and I'm honestly slightly annoyed that I didn't make it to a live taping of an Oprah show during this farewell season. But, then I'm reminded, I now have an entire NETWORK to breath Oprah's energy. I am reminded that while I didnt attend a live show this past season, I did attend a show several years ago and more importantly, Oprah was in my living room daily. I am reminded that I am in flow and the "O" factor is probably even more present than ever because now we must all truly seek and live what Oprah has promoted all along. We are graduates. Its time for us to fly and create new mini-Oprah moments (a-ha moments and all!). We have the power to not only receive such gracious energy but to also perpetuate the flow of energy that Oprah has presented. The issue of men being sexually abused and needing to tell their stories, the concept of divine internal energy and the importance of connecting to your core flow to become aligned with God, the importance of living your best life including healthy eating and living. All of these and more platforms were presented and it is now our responsibility to carry on. We have the recipe to know better; therefore, let's do better.
Thank you Oprah for your courage, your commitment to service, and your tenacity while staying true to your Divine flow in sharing your gifts. Are you sharing your gifts? More importantly, are you nurturing them so that you may have a core joy that's unbreakable? I plan to unwrap my innate gifts and explore those that are seemingly hidden. Like Oprah consistently demonstrated, I hope to share my gifts with others as I stay in alignment with my Divine flow...
Peace & blessings,
KMJ
Its taken me some time to truly gather all of my feelings and reactions towards Oprah bidding farewell. Its quite foreign having someone who has made such a cultural shift not exactly being gone, but not really being present as we know it. Actually, its plain weird! I mean, she's not dead. She's not sick. She's not retired. She's simply not doing "The Oprah Winfrey Show." So, its goodbye to a show, not a person.
I could go on and on about how Oprah has influenced me through the years and how I've been a loyal watcher since I was 13 and that I've learned countless lessons, blah, blah, blah....but, this blog is intended to go a bit deeper. Hence, as I reflect, I realize that initially Oprah was merely a tv figure for me years ago, then she transitioned into a more familiar space, somewhat like a girlfriend. Then there was more development and she felt like family, like the aunt who is always there for you. Then she elevated and became more of a godmother....then a teacher....then a mentor...and as I followed her energy I began to develop and gain better insight into my own moral compass, spiritual beliefs and ultimate purpose. Finally, the lessons she has taught in the recent two years are not only familiar but they are what I now know as truth. My truth. So, now, she is my spiritual companion.
In her final episode, she stated that the audience and viewers were now graduating from her class, should take these lessons and live their lives to the next level. This is true whether or not you believe in Oprah or what has come to be known as the "O" factor. I truly feel that I've learned so much about myself, my response to others' conditions, my biases, and the list goes on and on simply by tuning into Oprah's show and hearing the personal stories of others. The special part is that I also feel very grounded and in touch with my internal energy flow. I am living according to the Divinity within and there is a clear flow that is moving fluidly by me simply staying authentic in how I live and treat others. Oprah would be proud.
I am very, very, very sad that I will no longer have DVR'd episodes of Oprah to catch up nightly and I'm honestly slightly annoyed that I didn't make it to a live taping of an Oprah show during this farewell season. But, then I'm reminded, I now have an entire NETWORK to breath Oprah's energy. I am reminded that while I didnt attend a live show this past season, I did attend a show several years ago and more importantly, Oprah was in my living room daily. I am reminded that I am in flow and the "O" factor is probably even more present than ever because now we must all truly seek and live what Oprah has promoted all along. We are graduates. Its time for us to fly and create new mini-Oprah moments (a-ha moments and all!). We have the power to not only receive such gracious energy but to also perpetuate the flow of energy that Oprah has presented. The issue of men being sexually abused and needing to tell their stories, the concept of divine internal energy and the importance of connecting to your core flow to become aligned with God, the importance of living your best life including healthy eating and living. All of these and more platforms were presented and it is now our responsibility to carry on. We have the recipe to know better; therefore, let's do better.
Thank you Oprah for your courage, your commitment to service, and your tenacity while staying true to your Divine flow in sharing your gifts. Are you sharing your gifts? More importantly, are you nurturing them so that you may have a core joy that's unbreakable? I plan to unwrap my innate gifts and explore those that are seemingly hidden. Like Oprah consistently demonstrated, I hope to share my gifts with others as I stay in alignment with my Divine flow...
Peace & blessings,
KMJ
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Battle of the Bulge...AGAIN?! *ugggh*
Okay, ladies- I know our dirty little secret is what the scale REALLY says. I know all of you 30 & 40 something folks still have your college weight on your driver's license. How do I know? Because we are one. Sadly, I too am guilty of being in denial about what the scale really says and every driver's license renewal, I remain in denial and tell the DMV personell to simply keep the weight within 5lbs of what it was when I passed my drivers exam eons ago! So, its time for me to do REAL TALK! This is putting me in quite the vulnerable spot, but that's the point of this blog- to create & explore those "uncomfortable" spots that otherwise may slide through the cracks.
When I was 13 years old, I weighed 196lbs. I believe that was my heaviest weight (without having a baby inside my tummy). Way before Jennifer Hudson made Weight Watchers (WW)what it is quickly becoming, I joined WW at the age of 13 as recommended by my pediatrician and within 5 months lost over 50lbs. It was an amazingly fast process....but, it was the beginning of a lifetime journey.
I have always had to be very aware of my weight and how I eat and the activity of my lifestyle. I've known the importance of portion control, increased fiber, low carbs, lean proteins, whole grains, leafy veggies and fresh fruits for decades. So much that it often boggles me that others aren't as versed on such nutritional facts. Then reality quickly taps my shoulder and reminds me that while this is my journey, that doesn't mean its the journey of others.
Through my teens, 20's and early 30's it was fairly simple to maintain a healthy weight within 5-10 pounds of my "goal weight"....then baby #2 came. You see, baby #1 fools your body a bit. Your body gains the weight and makes you go into varying panic modes thinking the fat will never leave. But then (especially for those who breastfeed) you notice, wow! This baby weight does actually leave (although flat pancake breasts weren't really what you were imagining with the weight loss). You feel accomplished. You feel as though you have beaten the odds. You can say, "I returned to pre-pregnancy weight. I did it!" Then, some of us have baby #2. Ooooohhhh....ewwwww.....hmmmmm.....so, yeah, my baby #2 turns 5 next month and, um, I'm still waiting for my pre-pregnancy weight!
I should clarify- I actually did lose baby#2 weight after training for a half marathon when my son was 6 months old. But, the day after the race, the baby weight started to return....somehow. And, now 4 years later, I'm at a place where I'm like "ENOUGH!!" I refuse to continue to be on this hiatus of not shopping because I don't want to buy a bigger size. I refuse to continue to simply wear the same sweats, same jeans, same everything due to not wanting to face the fact that I do wear a size bigger than I'd like. I refuse to spend my last year of my 30's feeling bigger than desired. I refuse to be a psychotic-neurotic-work-out-aholic who only eats steamed vegetables. I want normalcy, but I know I must crank this body up in the "uncomfortable" zone. So, the battle of the bulge is on AGAIN (can you hear me hissing and growling like a a mad dog!)
But...I'm excited! I rejoined weight watchers, I'm cranking up my workouts and will begin training with a personal trainer next week. Furthermore, what is very different than my usual, I'm telling others about this next phase of my journey to give myself more accountability. I'm putting it out into the Universe. I'm waiting for the boomerang effect- put it out there and receive what you desire and need.
Where are you with your lifestyle? Are you at a healthy weight? Are you exercising, eating in a healthy manner, playing outside or inside? Or are you simply watching shows like The Biggest Loser sitting in awe and an hour later grabbing a bowl of ice cream? Taking the time to commit ourselves to a healthy lifestyle is HARD! It seems easy on paper, but, when stress comes along or disappointments, or even successes, we often jump off the track and have a hard time finding our way back. Well, grab your flashlight, get in sync with your internal divinity, and find that track. Those of you already on the track, make sure you have extra batteries to keep your flashlight bright so that you can stay on track and shine your light onto others. Create healthy living groups, get a walking partner, grab a running mate, join groups that support your healthy living journey. I am a part of your journey, even if its from a far. I hope you join my circle as well... because I surely need you:-)
Peace & blessngs,
KMJ
When I was 13 years old, I weighed 196lbs. I believe that was my heaviest weight (without having a baby inside my tummy). Way before Jennifer Hudson made Weight Watchers (WW)what it is quickly becoming, I joined WW at the age of 13 as recommended by my pediatrician and within 5 months lost over 50lbs. It was an amazingly fast process....but, it was the beginning of a lifetime journey.
I have always had to be very aware of my weight and how I eat and the activity of my lifestyle. I've known the importance of portion control, increased fiber, low carbs, lean proteins, whole grains, leafy veggies and fresh fruits for decades. So much that it often boggles me that others aren't as versed on such nutritional facts. Then reality quickly taps my shoulder and reminds me that while this is my journey, that doesn't mean its the journey of others.
Through my teens, 20's and early 30's it was fairly simple to maintain a healthy weight within 5-10 pounds of my "goal weight"....then baby #2 came. You see, baby #1 fools your body a bit. Your body gains the weight and makes you go into varying panic modes thinking the fat will never leave. But then (especially for those who breastfeed) you notice, wow! This baby weight does actually leave (although flat pancake breasts weren't really what you were imagining with the weight loss). You feel accomplished. You feel as though you have beaten the odds. You can say, "I returned to pre-pregnancy weight. I did it!" Then, some of us have baby #2. Ooooohhhh....ewwwww.....hmmmmm.....so, yeah, my baby #2 turns 5 next month and, um, I'm still waiting for my pre-pregnancy weight!
I should clarify- I actually did lose baby#2 weight after training for a half marathon when my son was 6 months old. But, the day after the race, the baby weight started to return....somehow. And, now 4 years later, I'm at a place where I'm like "ENOUGH!!" I refuse to continue to be on this hiatus of not shopping because I don't want to buy a bigger size. I refuse to continue to simply wear the same sweats, same jeans, same everything due to not wanting to face the fact that I do wear a size bigger than I'd like. I refuse to spend my last year of my 30's feeling bigger than desired. I refuse to be a psychotic-neurotic-work-out-aholic who only eats steamed vegetables. I want normalcy, but I know I must crank this body up in the "uncomfortable" zone. So, the battle of the bulge is on AGAIN (can you hear me hissing and growling like a a mad dog!)
But...I'm excited! I rejoined weight watchers, I'm cranking up my workouts and will begin training with a personal trainer next week. Furthermore, what is very different than my usual, I'm telling others about this next phase of my journey to give myself more accountability. I'm putting it out into the Universe. I'm waiting for the boomerang effect- put it out there and receive what you desire and need.
Where are you with your lifestyle? Are you at a healthy weight? Are you exercising, eating in a healthy manner, playing outside or inside? Or are you simply watching shows like The Biggest Loser sitting in awe and an hour later grabbing a bowl of ice cream? Taking the time to commit ourselves to a healthy lifestyle is HARD! It seems easy on paper, but, when stress comes along or disappointments, or even successes, we often jump off the track and have a hard time finding our way back. Well, grab your flashlight, get in sync with your internal divinity, and find that track. Those of you already on the track, make sure you have extra batteries to keep your flashlight bright so that you can stay on track and shine your light onto others. Create healthy living groups, get a walking partner, grab a running mate, join groups that support your healthy living journey. I am a part of your journey, even if its from a far. I hope you join my circle as well... because I surely need you:-)
Peace & blessngs,
KMJ
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The Mommy Gene
This past Saturday I hosted a Mother's "Night" gathering for my girlfriends who are mothers. I've always wanted to host something to celebrate our gift of mothering by relaxing, chatting, eating, laughing, and simply taking a moment out of our daily routine. The gathering was well attended and we, in fact, did all of the things I had envisioned. It was a good time and I learned more about my girlfriends and more about myself as a mother. Venture accomplished!
So, now what? I found myself the morning after trying one of the "tips" which was to include my 2 boys (8 & 4 years old) in cooking a meal in order for them to be more vested in eating all of their food. They helped by mixing pancake batter in between playing with their new nerf balls; they even assisted with flipping the pancakes with me guiding their hands- yet my oldest was slightly frustrated that his pancake broke a bit while flipping and really didn't have an interest in doing that anymore. Afterall...he wasn't perfect with his FIRST attempt. We cooked bacon, cut up pineapple and poured milk into cups..."ta-da!"- breakfast! They both ate their meals with gusto and it felt good to see that this tip worked. Then, approximately 2 to 3 minutes after finishing, my 4 y/o vomitted every single ounce of pancake, pineapples, bacon, and milk. All. Every bit of it. On my recently mopped kitchen floor. My husband and I gave each other the look of "oh boy" and without batting an eye, we cleaned my lil' man up, got the towels, wiped the vomit from the floor, got the swiffer, threw the towels in the washer, washed everyone's hands and proceeded with the morning. My 4 y/o smiled and skipped to the living room and began drawing and playing Connect Four with his brother.
This is an example of how its official. I'm a mommy. When we started our family I used to declare daily & emphatically- I DON'T HAVE THE MOMMY GENE! I never was interested in baking cookies or making crafts just for the sake of it or arranging biweekly playdates. I was amazed with the functional use of a minivan, but pledged never to actually purchase one given its seeming confirmation of being a parent. I've never been one who loves the zoo...let me clarify. I go to zoos because they are educational and its the only way to actually witness animals in some type of protected habitat. But, I've always felt sympathy for the animals because they seem trapped for our entertainment and enlightenment as humans. So, taking the kids to the zoo is something I've always done, but have never been in great anticipation nor excessive excitement. Finally, while I try to expose my kids to diverse experiences, the grocery store, the mall, and fine dining restaurants have never been "popular" outings. The crying, the whining, the statements of "I want that, please, please" or "I'm bored" are enough for me to get a clue... this is not an enjoyable experience for me...nor them. So, I simply figured, I don't have the mommy gene. I don't come from "that" fabric. And with such feelings, it left me feeling sad, isolated, shameful, and very out of place. I felt like somehow I needed to learn how to gain this "gene". So I joined Mother groups, I tried playdates, I followed "Chicago Parent Magazine" family activity tips. Result? I met lovely people, but my DNA still didn't sense a new mommy gene.
But, a few years ago, after a variety of disappointments and stress, I reclaimed my life. (That's another blog how that came about...) During this journey and process, I gained a better sense of my spriritual self versus my ego self. My ego planted the seed of doubt because motherhood was unfamiliar & often foreign. My ego was still trying to be self-satisfying and was fighting hard to keep that intact. But, my spirit was/is patient. Kind. Full of love and authenticity. Once I allowed my spirit to be the driver of this human vehicle, ego took a backseat and now I don't look for the mommy gene. I know that God gave me the mommy gene the moment I conceived His precious gifts. I just had to believe in things unseen- i.e. FAITH!
Now, I claim my mommy gene! I embrace it, nurture it, balance it, massage it, pamper it, educate it, etc. I'm a young parent, so this train has just started down the track. But, I am creating my own motherhood paradigm. One that works for me & my family's life. It may look a bit unconventional or nontraditional or even questionable at times, but its not about what is seen- the beauty is in those things unseen.
For all the mothers and mothers to be (no matter how "motherhood" looks in your life) do you believe in your mommy gene? Are you creating your own paradigm for parenting? Are you nurturing your children and avoiding the desire to "make" your child who you want him or her to be? Are you creating boundaries that they crave so badly and attending to them in healthy ways? Maybe...maybe not. The beauty is, God picked you as their mother. No one else. So, He knows you have the gene...He's just waiting for you to know:-)
Happy Mother's Day! Peace & blessings,
KMJ
So, now what? I found myself the morning after trying one of the "tips" which was to include my 2 boys (8 & 4 years old) in cooking a meal in order for them to be more vested in eating all of their food. They helped by mixing pancake batter in between playing with their new nerf balls; they even assisted with flipping the pancakes with me guiding their hands- yet my oldest was slightly frustrated that his pancake broke a bit while flipping and really didn't have an interest in doing that anymore. Afterall...he wasn't perfect with his FIRST attempt. We cooked bacon, cut up pineapple and poured milk into cups..."ta-da!"- breakfast! They both ate their meals with gusto and it felt good to see that this tip worked. Then, approximately 2 to 3 minutes after finishing, my 4 y/o vomitted every single ounce of pancake, pineapples, bacon, and milk. All. Every bit of it. On my recently mopped kitchen floor. My husband and I gave each other the look of "oh boy" and without batting an eye, we cleaned my lil' man up, got the towels, wiped the vomit from the floor, got the swiffer, threw the towels in the washer, washed everyone's hands and proceeded with the morning. My 4 y/o smiled and skipped to the living room and began drawing and playing Connect Four with his brother.
This is an example of how its official. I'm a mommy. When we started our family I used to declare daily & emphatically- I DON'T HAVE THE MOMMY GENE! I never was interested in baking cookies or making crafts just for the sake of it or arranging biweekly playdates. I was amazed with the functional use of a minivan, but pledged never to actually purchase one given its seeming confirmation of being a parent. I've never been one who loves the zoo...let me clarify. I go to zoos because they are educational and its the only way to actually witness animals in some type of protected habitat. But, I've always felt sympathy for the animals because they seem trapped for our entertainment and enlightenment as humans. So, taking the kids to the zoo is something I've always done, but have never been in great anticipation nor excessive excitement. Finally, while I try to expose my kids to diverse experiences, the grocery store, the mall, and fine dining restaurants have never been "popular" outings. The crying, the whining, the statements of "I want that, please, please" or "I'm bored" are enough for me to get a clue... this is not an enjoyable experience for me...nor them. So, I simply figured, I don't have the mommy gene. I don't come from "that" fabric. And with such feelings, it left me feeling sad, isolated, shameful, and very out of place. I felt like somehow I needed to learn how to gain this "gene". So I joined Mother groups, I tried playdates, I followed "Chicago Parent Magazine" family activity tips. Result? I met lovely people, but my DNA still didn't sense a new mommy gene.
But, a few years ago, after a variety of disappointments and stress, I reclaimed my life. (That's another blog how that came about...) During this journey and process, I gained a better sense of my spriritual self versus my ego self. My ego planted the seed of doubt because motherhood was unfamiliar & often foreign. My ego was still trying to be self-satisfying and was fighting hard to keep that intact. But, my spirit was/is patient. Kind. Full of love and authenticity. Once I allowed my spirit to be the driver of this human vehicle, ego took a backseat and now I don't look for the mommy gene. I know that God gave me the mommy gene the moment I conceived His precious gifts. I just had to believe in things unseen- i.e. FAITH!
Now, I claim my mommy gene! I embrace it, nurture it, balance it, massage it, pamper it, educate it, etc. I'm a young parent, so this train has just started down the track. But, I am creating my own motherhood paradigm. One that works for me & my family's life. It may look a bit unconventional or nontraditional or even questionable at times, but its not about what is seen- the beauty is in those things unseen.
For all the mothers and mothers to be (no matter how "motherhood" looks in your life) do you believe in your mommy gene? Are you creating your own paradigm for parenting? Are you nurturing your children and avoiding the desire to "make" your child who you want him or her to be? Are you creating boundaries that they crave so badly and attending to them in healthy ways? Maybe...maybe not. The beauty is, God picked you as their mother. No one else. So, He knows you have the gene...He's just waiting for you to know:-)
Happy Mother's Day! Peace & blessings,
KMJ
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Creating Crimson: thank you Toni Morrison!
Finally! It only took 6 months for me to do my first blog on the blog that I started...why the delay? You know the deal; life, kids, work, and the biggie (drum roll, please) PROCRASTINATION simply took control. But more than that, I wasn't sure how I wanted to kick off my blog. What's going to be my "theme"? Who's my target audience? What's so important that I need to provide commentary regularly to mostly strangers? *sigh* So I finally took a hold of my ego and said, "will you just STOP!" I am going to allow my soul to lead while I simply type.
Now, I'm uber excited to write! And share and hopefully inspire, inform, and entertain. I decided to start a blog because I'm on a creativity journey that feels innately boundless. I'm writing music, reading just about anything that pops into my mind, and simply exploring parts of myself that I have feared (and ultimatly neglected) for way too long. I'm "creating crimson"! Did I hear you say, "huh?"? Let me explain...
A few years ago I was watching the Tavis Smiley show on PBS and Toni Morrison was his guest. He asked her questions about her process while writing, what the craft means to her and how she's inspired. Of course, Toni Morrison rarely gives direct responses. Her spoken words are parallel to her written words- symbolic, profound, eloquent, intriguing, and engaging. Please forgive my extreme paraphrasing...but, she mentioned a variety of thoughts and conclusions. What primarily stood out for me was her discussion about her concern for the status of the African American condition and her zeal to contribute to the conversation of who we are historically. She then explained that our current African American energy doesn't seem to be as vibrant. That we used to be torquoise, gold,and crimson...we now appear to be blue, yellow, and red. That analogy was sooooo on point. It stuck with me HARD! It's exactly how I feel. I usually use the term "wonder bread". Meaning, we seem so plain and simple these days- where's the depth, the grit, the vibrance?
And so, I write this blog to say that I'm going to make a conscious effort to create crimson! In my music, in my words, and most importantly in my life, I will attempt to create a sense of vibrance and soulful profundity. I know these words sound esoteric, but that's the point. That's what separates torquoise from blue, gold from yellow, and crimson from red.
Think about your life, your vision. Where are you? How are you living your life? Are you creating your journey or simply existing on journey's back causing a sort of dead weight? I challenge you to make changes in your life that allow you to be authentic while living with more vibrance. Get excited about who you are, kick ego to the curb, and connect with your soul. It's time that we all begin creating crimson!
Finally, I welcome you to my blog, Creating Crimson! I look forward to sharing pieces of my personal life's puzzle (and you sharing your life's puzzle as well:-).
Peace & blessings,
KMJ
Now, I'm uber excited to write! And share and hopefully inspire, inform, and entertain. I decided to start a blog because I'm on a creativity journey that feels innately boundless. I'm writing music, reading just about anything that pops into my mind, and simply exploring parts of myself that I have feared (and ultimatly neglected) for way too long. I'm "creating crimson"! Did I hear you say, "huh?"? Let me explain...
A few years ago I was watching the Tavis Smiley show on PBS and Toni Morrison was his guest. He asked her questions about her process while writing, what the craft means to her and how she's inspired. Of course, Toni Morrison rarely gives direct responses. Her spoken words are parallel to her written words- symbolic, profound, eloquent, intriguing, and engaging. Please forgive my extreme paraphrasing...but, she mentioned a variety of thoughts and conclusions. What primarily stood out for me was her discussion about her concern for the status of the African American condition and her zeal to contribute to the conversation of who we are historically. She then explained that our current African American energy doesn't seem to be as vibrant. That we used to be torquoise, gold,and crimson...we now appear to be blue, yellow, and red. That analogy was sooooo on point. It stuck with me HARD! It's exactly how I feel. I usually use the term "wonder bread". Meaning, we seem so plain and simple these days- where's the depth, the grit, the vibrance?
And so, I write this blog to say that I'm going to make a conscious effort to create crimson! In my music, in my words, and most importantly in my life, I will attempt to create a sense of vibrance and soulful profundity. I know these words sound esoteric, but that's the point. That's what separates torquoise from blue, gold from yellow, and crimson from red.
Think about your life, your vision. Where are you? How are you living your life? Are you creating your journey or simply existing on journey's back causing a sort of dead weight? I challenge you to make changes in your life that allow you to be authentic while living with more vibrance. Get excited about who you are, kick ego to the curb, and connect with your soul. It's time that we all begin creating crimson!
Finally, I welcome you to my blog, Creating Crimson! I look forward to sharing pieces of my personal life's puzzle (and you sharing your life's puzzle as well:-).
Peace & blessings,
KMJ
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