Okay, ladies- I know our dirty little secret is what the scale REALLY says. I know all of you 30 & 40 something folks still have your college weight on your driver's license. How do I know? Because we are one. Sadly, I too am guilty of being in denial about what the scale really says and every driver's license renewal, I remain in denial and tell the DMV personell to simply keep the weight within 5lbs of what it was when I passed my drivers exam eons ago! So, its time for me to do REAL TALK! This is putting me in quite the vulnerable spot, but that's the point of this blog- to create & explore those "uncomfortable" spots that otherwise may slide through the cracks.
When I was 13 years old, I weighed 196lbs. I believe that was my heaviest weight (without having a baby inside my tummy). Way before Jennifer Hudson made Weight Watchers (WW)what it is quickly becoming, I joined WW at the age of 13 as recommended by my pediatrician and within 5 months lost over 50lbs. It was an amazingly fast process....but, it was the beginning of a lifetime journey.
I have always had to be very aware of my weight and how I eat and the activity of my lifestyle. I've known the importance of portion control, increased fiber, low carbs, lean proteins, whole grains, leafy veggies and fresh fruits for decades. So much that it often boggles me that others aren't as versed on such nutritional facts. Then reality quickly taps my shoulder and reminds me that while this is my journey, that doesn't mean its the journey of others.
Through my teens, 20's and early 30's it was fairly simple to maintain a healthy weight within 5-10 pounds of my "goal weight"....then baby #2 came. You see, baby #1 fools your body a bit. Your body gains the weight and makes you go into varying panic modes thinking the fat will never leave. But then (especially for those who breastfeed) you notice, wow! This baby weight does actually leave (although flat pancake breasts weren't really what you were imagining with the weight loss). You feel accomplished. You feel as though you have beaten the odds. You can say, "I returned to pre-pregnancy weight. I did it!" Then, some of us have baby #2. Ooooohhhh....ewwwww.....hmmmmm.....so, yeah, my baby #2 turns 5 next month and, um, I'm still waiting for my pre-pregnancy weight!
I should clarify- I actually did lose baby#2 weight after training for a half marathon when my son was 6 months old. But, the day after the race, the baby weight started to return....somehow. And, now 4 years later, I'm at a place where I'm like "ENOUGH!!" I refuse to continue to be on this hiatus of not shopping because I don't want to buy a bigger size. I refuse to continue to simply wear the same sweats, same jeans, same everything due to not wanting to face the fact that I do wear a size bigger than I'd like. I refuse to spend my last year of my 30's feeling bigger than desired. I refuse to be a psychotic-neurotic-work-out-aholic who only eats steamed vegetables. I want normalcy, but I know I must crank this body up in the "uncomfortable" zone. So, the battle of the bulge is on AGAIN (can you hear me hissing and growling like a a mad dog!)
But...I'm excited! I rejoined weight watchers, I'm cranking up my workouts and will begin training with a personal trainer next week. Furthermore, what is very different than my usual, I'm telling others about this next phase of my journey to give myself more accountability. I'm putting it out into the Universe. I'm waiting for the boomerang effect- put it out there and receive what you desire and need.
Where are you with your lifestyle? Are you at a healthy weight? Are you exercising, eating in a healthy manner, playing outside or inside? Or are you simply watching shows like The Biggest Loser sitting in awe and an hour later grabbing a bowl of ice cream? Taking the time to commit ourselves to a healthy lifestyle is HARD! It seems easy on paper, but, when stress comes along or disappointments, or even successes, we often jump off the track and have a hard time finding our way back. Well, grab your flashlight, get in sync with your internal divinity, and find that track. Those of you already on the track, make sure you have extra batteries to keep your flashlight bright so that you can stay on track and shine your light onto others. Create healthy living groups, get a walking partner, grab a running mate, join groups that support your healthy living journey. I am a part of your journey, even if its from a far. I hope you join my circle as well... because I surely need you:-)
Peace & blessngs,
KMJ
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The Mommy Gene
This past Saturday I hosted a Mother's "Night" gathering for my girlfriends who are mothers. I've always wanted to host something to celebrate our gift of mothering by relaxing, chatting, eating, laughing, and simply taking a moment out of our daily routine. The gathering was well attended and we, in fact, did all of the things I had envisioned. It was a good time and I learned more about my girlfriends and more about myself as a mother. Venture accomplished!
So, now what? I found myself the morning after trying one of the "tips" which was to include my 2 boys (8 & 4 years old) in cooking a meal in order for them to be more vested in eating all of their food. They helped by mixing pancake batter in between playing with their new nerf balls; they even assisted with flipping the pancakes with me guiding their hands- yet my oldest was slightly frustrated that his pancake broke a bit while flipping and really didn't have an interest in doing that anymore. Afterall...he wasn't perfect with his FIRST attempt. We cooked bacon, cut up pineapple and poured milk into cups..."ta-da!"- breakfast! They both ate their meals with gusto and it felt good to see that this tip worked. Then, approximately 2 to 3 minutes after finishing, my 4 y/o vomitted every single ounce of pancake, pineapples, bacon, and milk. All. Every bit of it. On my recently mopped kitchen floor. My husband and I gave each other the look of "oh boy" and without batting an eye, we cleaned my lil' man up, got the towels, wiped the vomit from the floor, got the swiffer, threw the towels in the washer, washed everyone's hands and proceeded with the morning. My 4 y/o smiled and skipped to the living room and began drawing and playing Connect Four with his brother.
This is an example of how its official. I'm a mommy. When we started our family I used to declare daily & emphatically- I DON'T HAVE THE MOMMY GENE! I never was interested in baking cookies or making crafts just for the sake of it or arranging biweekly playdates. I was amazed with the functional use of a minivan, but pledged never to actually purchase one given its seeming confirmation of being a parent. I've never been one who loves the zoo...let me clarify. I go to zoos because they are educational and its the only way to actually witness animals in some type of protected habitat. But, I've always felt sympathy for the animals because they seem trapped for our entertainment and enlightenment as humans. So, taking the kids to the zoo is something I've always done, but have never been in great anticipation nor excessive excitement. Finally, while I try to expose my kids to diverse experiences, the grocery store, the mall, and fine dining restaurants have never been "popular" outings. The crying, the whining, the statements of "I want that, please, please" or "I'm bored" are enough for me to get a clue... this is not an enjoyable experience for me...nor them. So, I simply figured, I don't have the mommy gene. I don't come from "that" fabric. And with such feelings, it left me feeling sad, isolated, shameful, and very out of place. I felt like somehow I needed to learn how to gain this "gene". So I joined Mother groups, I tried playdates, I followed "Chicago Parent Magazine" family activity tips. Result? I met lovely people, but my DNA still didn't sense a new mommy gene.
But, a few years ago, after a variety of disappointments and stress, I reclaimed my life. (That's another blog how that came about...) During this journey and process, I gained a better sense of my spriritual self versus my ego self. My ego planted the seed of doubt because motherhood was unfamiliar & often foreign. My ego was still trying to be self-satisfying and was fighting hard to keep that intact. But, my spirit was/is patient. Kind. Full of love and authenticity. Once I allowed my spirit to be the driver of this human vehicle, ego took a backseat and now I don't look for the mommy gene. I know that God gave me the mommy gene the moment I conceived His precious gifts. I just had to believe in things unseen- i.e. FAITH!
Now, I claim my mommy gene! I embrace it, nurture it, balance it, massage it, pamper it, educate it, etc. I'm a young parent, so this train has just started down the track. But, I am creating my own motherhood paradigm. One that works for me & my family's life. It may look a bit unconventional or nontraditional or even questionable at times, but its not about what is seen- the beauty is in those things unseen.
For all the mothers and mothers to be (no matter how "motherhood" looks in your life) do you believe in your mommy gene? Are you creating your own paradigm for parenting? Are you nurturing your children and avoiding the desire to "make" your child who you want him or her to be? Are you creating boundaries that they crave so badly and attending to them in healthy ways? Maybe...maybe not. The beauty is, God picked you as their mother. No one else. So, He knows you have the gene...He's just waiting for you to know:-)
Happy Mother's Day! Peace & blessings,
KMJ
So, now what? I found myself the morning after trying one of the "tips" which was to include my 2 boys (8 & 4 years old) in cooking a meal in order for them to be more vested in eating all of their food. They helped by mixing pancake batter in between playing with their new nerf balls; they even assisted with flipping the pancakes with me guiding their hands- yet my oldest was slightly frustrated that his pancake broke a bit while flipping and really didn't have an interest in doing that anymore. Afterall...he wasn't perfect with his FIRST attempt. We cooked bacon, cut up pineapple and poured milk into cups..."ta-da!"- breakfast! They both ate their meals with gusto and it felt good to see that this tip worked. Then, approximately 2 to 3 minutes after finishing, my 4 y/o vomitted every single ounce of pancake, pineapples, bacon, and milk. All. Every bit of it. On my recently mopped kitchen floor. My husband and I gave each other the look of "oh boy" and without batting an eye, we cleaned my lil' man up, got the towels, wiped the vomit from the floor, got the swiffer, threw the towels in the washer, washed everyone's hands and proceeded with the morning. My 4 y/o smiled and skipped to the living room and began drawing and playing Connect Four with his brother.
This is an example of how its official. I'm a mommy. When we started our family I used to declare daily & emphatically- I DON'T HAVE THE MOMMY GENE! I never was interested in baking cookies or making crafts just for the sake of it or arranging biweekly playdates. I was amazed with the functional use of a minivan, but pledged never to actually purchase one given its seeming confirmation of being a parent. I've never been one who loves the zoo...let me clarify. I go to zoos because they are educational and its the only way to actually witness animals in some type of protected habitat. But, I've always felt sympathy for the animals because they seem trapped for our entertainment and enlightenment as humans. So, taking the kids to the zoo is something I've always done, but have never been in great anticipation nor excessive excitement. Finally, while I try to expose my kids to diverse experiences, the grocery store, the mall, and fine dining restaurants have never been "popular" outings. The crying, the whining, the statements of "I want that, please, please" or "I'm bored" are enough for me to get a clue... this is not an enjoyable experience for me...nor them. So, I simply figured, I don't have the mommy gene. I don't come from "that" fabric. And with such feelings, it left me feeling sad, isolated, shameful, and very out of place. I felt like somehow I needed to learn how to gain this "gene". So I joined Mother groups, I tried playdates, I followed "Chicago Parent Magazine" family activity tips. Result? I met lovely people, but my DNA still didn't sense a new mommy gene.
But, a few years ago, after a variety of disappointments and stress, I reclaimed my life. (That's another blog how that came about...) During this journey and process, I gained a better sense of my spriritual self versus my ego self. My ego planted the seed of doubt because motherhood was unfamiliar & often foreign. My ego was still trying to be self-satisfying and was fighting hard to keep that intact. But, my spirit was/is patient. Kind. Full of love and authenticity. Once I allowed my spirit to be the driver of this human vehicle, ego took a backseat and now I don't look for the mommy gene. I know that God gave me the mommy gene the moment I conceived His precious gifts. I just had to believe in things unseen- i.e. FAITH!
Now, I claim my mommy gene! I embrace it, nurture it, balance it, massage it, pamper it, educate it, etc. I'm a young parent, so this train has just started down the track. But, I am creating my own motherhood paradigm. One that works for me & my family's life. It may look a bit unconventional or nontraditional or even questionable at times, but its not about what is seen- the beauty is in those things unseen.
For all the mothers and mothers to be (no matter how "motherhood" looks in your life) do you believe in your mommy gene? Are you creating your own paradigm for parenting? Are you nurturing your children and avoiding the desire to "make" your child who you want him or her to be? Are you creating boundaries that they crave so badly and attending to them in healthy ways? Maybe...maybe not. The beauty is, God picked you as their mother. No one else. So, He knows you have the gene...He's just waiting for you to know:-)
Happy Mother's Day! Peace & blessings,
KMJ
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