This past Saturday I hosted a Mother's "Night" gathering for my girlfriends who are mothers. I've always wanted to host something to celebrate our gift of mothering by relaxing, chatting, eating, laughing, and simply taking a moment out of our daily routine. The gathering was well attended and we, in fact, did all of the things I had envisioned. It was a good time and I learned more about my girlfriends and more about myself as a mother. Venture accomplished!
So, now what? I found myself the morning after trying one of the "tips" which was to include my 2 boys (8 & 4 years old) in cooking a meal in order for them to be more vested in eating all of their food. They helped by mixing pancake batter in between playing with their new nerf balls; they even assisted with flipping the pancakes with me guiding their hands- yet my oldest was slightly frustrated that his pancake broke a bit while flipping and really didn't have an interest in doing that anymore. Afterall...he wasn't perfect with his FIRST attempt. We cooked bacon, cut up pineapple and poured milk into cups..."ta-da!"- breakfast! They both ate their meals with gusto and it felt good to see that this tip worked. Then, approximately 2 to 3 minutes after finishing, my 4 y/o vomitted every single ounce of pancake, pineapples, bacon, and milk. All. Every bit of it. On my recently mopped kitchen floor. My husband and I gave each other the look of "oh boy" and without batting an eye, we cleaned my lil' man up, got the towels, wiped the vomit from the floor, got the swiffer, threw the towels in the washer, washed everyone's hands and proceeded with the morning. My 4 y/o smiled and skipped to the living room and began drawing and playing Connect Four with his brother.
This is an example of how its official. I'm a mommy. When we started our family I used to declare daily & emphatically- I DON'T HAVE THE MOMMY GENE! I never was interested in baking cookies or making crafts just for the sake of it or arranging biweekly playdates. I was amazed with the functional use of a minivan, but pledged never to actually purchase one given its seeming confirmation of being a parent. I've never been one who loves the zoo...let me clarify. I go to zoos because they are educational and its the only way to actually witness animals in some type of protected habitat. But, I've always felt sympathy for the animals because they seem trapped for our entertainment and enlightenment as humans. So, taking the kids to the zoo is something I've always done, but have never been in great anticipation nor excessive excitement. Finally, while I try to expose my kids to diverse experiences, the grocery store, the mall, and fine dining restaurants have never been "popular" outings. The crying, the whining, the statements of "I want that, please, please" or "I'm bored" are enough for me to get a clue... this is not an enjoyable experience for me...nor them. So, I simply figured, I don't have the mommy gene. I don't come from "that" fabric. And with such feelings, it left me feeling sad, isolated, shameful, and very out of place. I felt like somehow I needed to learn how to gain this "gene". So I joined Mother groups, I tried playdates, I followed "Chicago Parent Magazine" family activity tips. Result? I met lovely people, but my DNA still didn't sense a new mommy gene.
But, a few years ago, after a variety of disappointments and stress, I reclaimed my life. (That's another blog how that came about...) During this journey and process, I gained a better sense of my spriritual self versus my ego self. My ego planted the seed of doubt because motherhood was unfamiliar & often foreign. My ego was still trying to be self-satisfying and was fighting hard to keep that intact. But, my spirit was/is patient. Kind. Full of love and authenticity. Once I allowed my spirit to be the driver of this human vehicle, ego took a backseat and now I don't look for the mommy gene. I know that God gave me the mommy gene the moment I conceived His precious gifts. I just had to believe in things unseen- i.e. FAITH!
Now, I claim my mommy gene! I embrace it, nurture it, balance it, massage it, pamper it, educate it, etc. I'm a young parent, so this train has just started down the track. But, I am creating my own motherhood paradigm. One that works for me & my family's life. It may look a bit unconventional or nontraditional or even questionable at times, but its not about what is seen- the beauty is in those things unseen.
For all the mothers and mothers to be (no matter how "motherhood" looks in your life) do you believe in your mommy gene? Are you creating your own paradigm for parenting? Are you nurturing your children and avoiding the desire to "make" your child who you want him or her to be? Are you creating boundaries that they crave so badly and attending to them in healthy ways? Maybe...maybe not. The beauty is, God picked you as their mother. No one else. So, He knows you have the gene...He's just waiting for you to know:-)
Happy Mother's Day! Peace & blessings,
KMJ
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