Daddy

Often I feel as though fathers get a bit slighted on Father's Day.  Well, at least compared to Mother's Day.  It seems as though weeks in advance there are advertisements promoting Mother's Day and families plan trips and marathon gatherings to celebrate moms and motherhood.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a mother and I understand the hype given the level of energy that is required for motherhood.  But, why does it seem as though Father's Day gets less attention?  I do see pre-Father's Day advertisements, but clearly the marketing gurus have identified it as not needing as heavy of a marketing plan.  And now with the days of social media where everyone can share both random and intentional thoughts, I often shake my head when I see someone's status update and/or tweet suggest either overtly or covertly that somehow fathers are less than their counterparts or that their father is the exception to the "typical" deadbeat dad.  Yes, there are deadbeat dads...and deadbeat moms....shucks, there are deadbeat PARENTS!  But, with the case of fathers, I wonder what came first (classic chicken or the egg)?  Is it that some dads were first deadbeats and the consequence is scorn or has our quick-to-run-to scorn attitude created deadbeat dads?...

Well, given its Father's Day and I try to live with optimism, I will not allow this blogpost to go into the critical analysis of the scorned father.  Instead, I will celebrate and honor the beauty of fathers.  Let's start with my father, or "Daddy" as I've called him my entire 38 years.   I won't go into a philosophical narrative about how my father has influenced the various aspects of my life, but I will go on a bit of a rant about my father's biggest influence- music! 

My father is a percussionist/drummer.  Not professionally, but absolutely soulfully.  I suppose I should say an amatuer musician to be politically correct; but that seems a bit mediocre for his talent and his respect for the craft of music.  When you grow up in a house full of percussive instruments ( a drum kit, congas, bongos, caracas, and maracas), 45 inch albums neatly lined up in a cabinet, classic album covers posted on walls and overhead shelves, custom stereo equipment and a sound system that could blow out any coliseum, a piano, a flute, tape decks, and 8 tracks, you simply believe that all of this is quite normal.  When you grow up with a father that beats on any and everything (tables, steering wheels, walls, chairs, cups, dashboards, etc), you believe that too is quite normal.  When you grow up in a musical wonderland, your "normal" is this.  Just like any child's "normal" is their environment, whether it be positive or negative.  My father granted me with the gift of music.  And not just a passion to play a musical instrument, but a passion to LISTEN to music with a keen ear and to embrace diverse music which ultimately allows your creative barometer to soar!  Thank you, Daddy.  Thank you.

Now I watch my husband father our two sons and I wonder, what is their "normal"?  What does he convey that they consciously and subconsciously absorb on a daily basis?  We fill our home with music because that's all I know.  We also fill our home with opportunities to play and imagine...at least I believe we do, but I suppose we won't know how they have received their normal until they are adults.  The one thing I know and have faith in is that their father is always there for them.  Whether it be teaching them how to dribble a basketball with both the left and right hands or how to understand the differences between positive consequences and negative consequences depending on personal choices, he has been there to give them the gift of  being dynamic & having integrity...or at least this is what I think.  But, our sons' abilities to cope and live productive lives later in adulthood will reveal the truth of it all.

What has your father given you?  Even if you've never met your father or care not to see your father or only wish your father were still here....he gave you something seen and unseen.  How has this impacted your "normal" and might this be an opportunity to grow and develop a new normal or simply celebrate the normal by which you live?  Fathers are a blessing, seen and unseen.  All of us have a story that didn't begin in adulthood.  The missing father has a "normal" as well, which inevitably impacts how effective he is able to be present in the life of his children.  My father was present, but not perfect.  But, the primary gift he gave me is one of the things I cherish most in my life- a passion for music and the arts.  I used to take my "normal" for granted.  Thankfully I now know better, so I do better.  I now make every effort to nurture God-given talents as well as those granted by my father. 

Finally, on this day that we celebrate fathers, consider taking the time to not only give gratitude, but to also reflect on the gifts given to you by your father.  Ultimately, our Divine Father grants us with the perfect earthly father for our personal journey.  Thank you, Daddy:-)

Peace & Blessings,
KMJ